Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
