are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
