she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize