She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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