Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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