Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
