It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
