We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize