So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
