then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
