I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
