If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
