yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
