I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
