Porn is love you can see.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
