Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
