you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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