I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
you had me at cake vodka
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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