Are we in a gay sports bar?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
