Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
