I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
