he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
