don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
