Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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