i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
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