I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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