Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
