Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
