When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
