Dual....:-)
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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