If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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