Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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