brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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