He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize