I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
