you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
