so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
She needs sedatives and a leash
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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