i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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