So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
