so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
