You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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