i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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