I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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