i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
