I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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