I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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