Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize