So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
