i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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