I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
