i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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