you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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