ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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