why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
