theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I AM VODKA MAN
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Sorry about my life...
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
