I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
