you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
i've created a new STD.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
