Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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