I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
