No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
