So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
