He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
