My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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