sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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