Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
