Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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