You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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