I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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