we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just googled if crying burns calories
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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