Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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