ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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