She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
