Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
