Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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