my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
