she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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