So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
