After last night, I could never be a politician.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize