Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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