1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
