you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
