i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
