**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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