i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
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