The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
