i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
