She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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