I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
