I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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