Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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