this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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