So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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