doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
