Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
