I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
