So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
