mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
