I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
