I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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