I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
