I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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